How to meet people who are into BDSM

As popular (and fun!) as BDSM can be, sometimes it feels really hard to meet new people who are into it. Dating and meeting new people can be tough at the best of times, and when you add in the BDSM element it can feel even trickier.

So if you’re keen to meet some mates, dates, or just casual partners who are into BDSM and kink, read on—we’ve got the low-down on exactly how to meet people who are into BDSM.

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If you want to meet people online…

Dating apps. If you’re a regular user of Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, or any of the big dating apps, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with adding a note on your profile that says you’re keen to explore BDSM. Though you may want to explore apps like Feeld as it is more geared towards alternative relationship models and sexual preferences (but more on this soon). You don’t need to be R-rated and explicit, but you can be specific and note what you’d like to try, and in what role. Keep in mind, though, that people on ‘mainstream’ dating apps can have varying levels of experience with BDSM, so it will be important to suss out your match’s level of skill and comfort with whatever it is that you’d like to try.

Kink-specific dating apps. Yes—there are dating apps out there exclusively for kinky people! FetLife is one of the bigger and more popular ones, but there are smaller apps and websites themed around more specific interests. One of the best things about kink-specific dating apps is that you have the opportunity to be more open about your interests than you might want to be in other spaces. Even though these apps and websites are themed around kink, don’t feel that you have to rush into any hook-ups—meet any potential partner for a coffee first to ensure you get along and are comfortable with each other.

Kink-specific online spaces. We’re talking about forums, messageboards, and online communities. The people here aren’t always interested in meeting new partners, but you might be able to make some new friends! Search for kink and BDSM communities in your area on Reddit, Discord, or similar apps and see what’s out there!

If you want to meet people offline…

Check out a munch. A ‘munch’ is a meet-up for people in the kink and BDSM communities. Munches don’t involve any BDSM play—they’re simply social occasions for like-minded people. You’ll probably meet some single people at munches, but not everyone who attends a munch is looking for a date or a partner. Go with an open mind, and the intention to meet new friends and get to know the kink community in your city!

Attend a kink workshop. We’ve seen and heard of workshops focusing on spanking, shibari, and everything in between! Attending a workshop like this can be a great way to learn a new skill, get out of your comfort zone in a safe space, and meet new people. You can search online for workshops, or check out your local BDSM or sex toy store. On that note…

Visit your local adult store. Sometimes the staff who work in adult stores will be able to recommend you to a cool local venue or community space that you never would’ve heard about otherwise! If you’re in the store at a quiet time, ask a staff member if they can suggest how you might get involved with the local kink community. Remember to keep your questions non-invasive and non-personal.

Attend a play party. Play parties are events at which people can feel welcome to engage in sexual activity. If they’re open to the ‘general public’, they’ll usually be advertised in kink-focused online spaces. Every play party is different, so make sure you familiarise yourself with the rules of the one you plan to attend: there might be a dress-up theme, or even an expectation that everyone will participate in some aspect of the ‘play’. Some play parties are even set up for specific groups of people (like queer people, or female-identifying people).

There are many ways to meet kinky people! These are some of the most common ways, although anecdotally we know of friends and couples who’ve discovered a common interest in BDSM after meeting at parties, uni, and even the gym. Remember that no matter where you are, you should always be respectful and kind when meeting new people—accept ‘no’ for an answer if someone isn’t interested in chatting, and don’t assume that just because someone is interested in BDSM, they’re interested in hooking up.

Happy meeting!

Curious about exploring for yourself? Our Kink Kit is the perfect place to start, with elevated essentials and pleasure education from experts included.