Exploring anal: a guide for couples

Exploring anal: a guide for couples

Jan 20, 2024Team NORMAL

To celebrate our new NORMAL x Abbie Chatfield modular butt plug collab, Option A, we’re talking everything anal. Explore Option A and all of our guides to anal right here!


Anal play can be intensely pleasurable and really sexy to explore with a partner—but that’s not the only benefit of anal. It can also be intimate, sensual, fun, exciting, and something that can really bond two partners.


“I think a lot of people ask, ‘why anal?’, and my answer is: why not?” says NORMAL sex coach, Georgia Grace.


“It is a kind of sex that can feel so deeply pleasurable and orgasmic, and it can even feel really relaxing. Plus, everyone has an anus.”


In many ways, anal play is something that can be enjoyed by everyone. Because we all have an anus, we can all enjoy and experiment with this form of pleasure. 


And if you’re in a couple, and keen to try anal together, we have a whole host of advice for you.




Most importantly, talk to each other first.


The most important part of trying something new isn’t the lube or the toys or the positions (although these things do matter!), it’s the conversation you have with your partner beforehand.


It’s absolutely vital to discuss any new form of play or pleasure with your partner to find out what their boundaries are, what they’d like to try, and what they’re consenting to. Of course, consent is an ongoing conversation, not just an agreement you have at the start of sex, but it really helps to make sure everyone is comfortable and consenting prior to getting started.


If you’re not sure what to say, here are some scripts for making suggestions:


  • “I think it would be so hot if we tried using this vibrating butt plug together. I’d love to wear it while you control the vibrations, would you be up for that?”
  • “I’ve always fantasised about rimming you. I think it would be really sexy, and I’ve read it can feel great. Would you like to try it?”
  • “How do you feel about anal sex? I really want to see what it feels like to receive. I’m a bit nervous, but the thought is so exciting. Would you be keen?”


And here are some scripts for explaining your boundaries:


  • “Yes, I’d love to try using that butt plug together. It’s funny you mention it, because I've been thinking about it too! Do you want to use it solo, together or all at once?”


  • “I’ve never thought much about rimming before, but it sounds hot! Can I think about it for a while and let you know how I feel?”


  • “I love that you’ve shared your fantasy with me, I don't want to receive anal but I'd find it hot if you wore a butt plug whilst we have sex - how do you feel about that?”



Use lube, and lots of it!


Especially if you’re trying penetration! 


Unlike the vagina, the anus does not naturally produce its own lubricant, so it’s really important to add lube to avoid tearing the delicate skin of the anus or hurting the muscles in this area. Spend some time together finding the right lube for your needs.



Remember that penetration isn’t everything, but it can be fun


There are heaps of ways to explore anal that don’t involve penetration of any kind. In fact, we’ve listed six of our favourites here if you’d like to avoid penetration, take a break from it, or branch out and try something new.


However, if you want to try penetration together, there are a few different ways to do it:


  • Fingering. “A crowd favourite is the ‘come hither’ motion,” NORMAL sex coach Georgia says. Using one or two fingers together in your partner’s anus, make a ‘beckoning’ motion like you’re calling someone over towards you. This can stimulate both the prostate (in people with penises) and the sensitive nerves around the vulva.


  • Penetration. “This is the in-and-out movement with thrusting. Of course you can use your fingers, our vibrating buttplug, or a penis,” Georgia explains. Whatever you use, start slowly and regularly check in with your partner to see how they’re feeling.


  • Toys. Incorporating toys into anal play can be seriously hot, and Georgia says that our vibrating buttplug is a great place to start. “People use plugs in many different ways. Some people like to use their plugs and have them in the whole time, because they want that feeling of being full, and others like to insert it or remove it at the peak of orgasm.” The best way to find out what you like? Try it all!



Experiment with different positions


“A lot of people think of anal as something that’s just done in a ‘doggy’ position,” says Abbie Chatfield. 


“But there’s actually a lot of different positions you can use solo or with a partner.”


Here are five suggestions from Abbie and Georgia:


  • Receiver on top. The person receiving, or being penetrated, squats on the penis of the person penetrating. “This is my favourite of all time,” Abbie says, “Because I feel like I have more control.”


  • Face down. Lying face down with your arms in a comfortable position and your legs slightly open, invite your partner to sit next to you or between your legs and stimulate your anus.


  • Legs up. “Lie on your back, put your knees towards your chest and hold them with your hands,” Abbie says. “Your partner can kneel in front of you and stimulate you internally, externally, or both!”


  • On the side. Lying on your side, bring your outer leg towards your chest and allow your partner to reach your anus from behind.


  • Doggy. It’s a classic for a reason! Position yourself on all fours and allow your partner to stimulate your anus from behind you, while you can reach underneath yourself for added stimulation. This is a great position in which to use our vibrating buttplug: “This is where the remote control comes in handy,” says Abbie.



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