Let’s be real: with the rising cozzie livs, it’s getting harder and harder to spend money on those little treats and luxuries.
Heaps of us are cutting down on everything from nights out to new clothing, so it makes total sense that if you’ve been eyeing off a snazzy new sex toy you might be waiting until next payday to take the plunge.
While you wait for that toy, though, you might find yourself wondering if there’s anything around the home that could be used in its place. After all, we’ve all heard stories about cucumbers being used for non-salad purposes, electric toothbrushes becoming makeshift vibrators, and socks being used in intimate ways before being tossed into the laundry basket.
There are some things around the home that can definitely be used as sex toys—and some things that absolutely shouldn’t. Here, we’ll take you through all of the dos and don’ts, and then give you a few suggestions for some items around the home that you may want to look at in a new light.
First up - when it comes to internal or direct genital stimulation we do not recommend using anything other than a clean, body safe sex toy. But we also know that people are curious, and if it exists, it’s likely someone has tried to have sex with it! So when considering any new sex toy, homemade or otherwise, it’s always worth keeping in mind a few valuable health precautions.
Just like when you buy a sex toy in-store or online, you should be aware of what it’s made from. Look for body-safe materials that can be properly cleaned and sterilised. We recommend body-safe silicone, Pyrex, and stainless steel. If your toy is made of another material and it’s going inside your body, we recommend using a condom or dental dam between your skin and the toy to avoid any bacteria being transmitted. Even if you’ve used a condom or dental dam with your toys, you should still clean them before and after every use, and store them in a box or bag between uses.
You should also be aware of the material your toy is made of because it can affect what kind of lube you can use with it: silicone-based lube, for example, can’t be used with silicone toys.
It’s also important to be aware of some basic safety stuff: never put anything near your body, especially your mouth or genitals, that might be sharp, pointy, broken, or about to break. That cheap dildo you got in a hens’ party gift bag, for example, can probably be tossed out—just in case it snaps in two!
With that in mind…let’s begin by looking at a few things around the home that you probably shouldn’t use as sex toys.
Yes, we’ve all occasionally noticed a particularly phallic zucchini at the supermarket, or heard the urban legend about how if you microwave a particular fruit and then put your penis in it, it feels just like a vagina.
Overall we would recommend against using vegetables as sex toys. There’s a real safety issue with putting any sort of organic matter, like fruits or vegetables, in to your body or penetrating them: you don’t know what bacteria or pesticides may be on them. It may be something that could cause an infection. We also recommend against putting any part of your body into anything that has been microwaved or heated, in case it’s unexpectedly very hot.
If you must use that zucchini, though, we recommend covering it with a condom and disposing of it immediately afterwards. Don’t keep it around for your salad the next day and certainly don’t leave it for your housemates to consume.
Electric toothbrushes vibrate and move in a way that gives the impression they could be used as a stand-in for a vibrator, but should you try it?
Our vote is no. The bristles on the toothbrush are perfect for your teeth, but might be too harsh for the delicate skin of the genitals. A toothbrush is made to scrub food and plaque off your tough, enamelled teeth—not to stimulate one of the most sensitive parts of your body.
If you’re really keen to give it a try, we recommend using it over the top of underpants or a thin piece of cloth. And, of course, keeping a designated brush solely for masturbation.
Anything without a flared base, used for anal play
If you want to experiment with anal play, please remember that you should never, ever insert anything into your anus unless it has a flared base which can stop it from going all the way in. Unlike the vulva, the anus has no ‘end point’—it continues on into your colon and intestine, so if a toy goes all the way in it can easily get lost up there. Trying to get a lost toy out on your own can be painful and do even more damage, so it’s recommended that you go to the emergency room if you ever lose a toy while experimenting with anal play.
The internet is rife with stories of bottles, rods, and other household items that have gotten lost inside people’s anuses—save yourself the pain and use your (or your partner’s!) fingers instead.
Of course, there are a few household items that you can easily incorporate into masturbation and sex. Here are our suggestions: