‘Impact play’ is a term used for sex acts that involve hitting, or being hit, with a hand or an object. Impact play encompasses things like spanking, whipping, flogging, paddling, and more!
Impact play can be enjoyable, fun, sexy, and respectful when it’s done correctly, but there are a few things you should be aware of before trying impact play for the first time.
Here, we’ll take you through everything you need to know!
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Before we get started, it’s worth noting that impact play isn’t for everyone. If it’s not your vibe, we’ve got heaps of other interesting articles you can check out!
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If you’re unfamiliar with impact play, you might be wondering what would be so enjoyable about being hit, or hitting someone during sex. It’s important to know that everyone experiences impact play differently, but in general many people might say they enjoy it because it combines pain with pleasure, feels ‘taboo’, or enhances the Dominant/submissive relationship they have with a partner. Scientists have actually found that pleasure and pain are registered in the same parts of the brain, so it kind of makes sense that a painful spank can feel good sometimes!
It’s also important to remember that impact play can refer to a wide range of activities, from a cheeky couple of spanks to a more intense whipping or caning. We encourage everyone to think about their comfort level with regards to impact play, and engage in it in a way that feels comfortable and fun for them.
On the topic of consent. Consent is non-negotiable for any sexual act, but it’s particularly important to talk about with regards to impact play. Prior to engaging in any impact play it’s vital to talk to your partner about how they feel, what they want to do, and what their limits are. You should never, ever attempt to ‘surprise’ your partner by hitting them, even if you think they might like it and even if it’s just a ‘gentle’ spank or slap. You must obtain informed, enthusiastic consent before engaging in any impact play.
There are a few other important things you should consider with regards to safety.
- Talk to your partner about where they would like to be hit, and how hard. Some parts of the body should never be hit, but in general the ‘safe zones’ include the fleshy parts like the buttocks (not the lower back), the front and back of the thighs, and the forearms.
- Remember that it’s always better to do more than less. It’s much better for you or your partner to think, “Hmm, we didn’t go quite as far as I wanted” than, “That went way too far”. You can always uplevel next time!
- Discuss how you’ll check in with your partner as you go. You might want to use a safe word, the traffic light system, or a physical signal to let each other know if and when you want to stop.
- Keep in mind that some objects can leave marks. If the person being hit isn’t okay with this, you’ll need to adjust how hard you hit and with what.
How to get started
If you’re a total newbie to the world of impact play, we recommend starting with spanking. Not only because it doesn’t require the purchase of any special equipment (if you realise it isn’t for you, you at least haven’t spent any money on it!) but because spanking allows you to feel exactly how hard you’re hitting someone. A crop, whip, or paddle doesn’t allow you to feel the full impact of a hit, but a spank does.
Start with the butt, and always aim for the fleshiest part when spanking or hitting (in general, areas that contain higher amounts of body fat are safer to hit). Start off very light, and allow the person being hit to ask for more if they want it. Remember, it’s always better to go too light than too hard!
Afterwards, take some time to debrief with your partner. Give each other some aftercare, and once you’re feeling comfortable and ready you can discuss the experience. Some questions to consider are: what did you enjoy? What did you not enjoy? What would you do differently next time? What did it feel like to be hit, and what did it feel like to be the one hitting?
Keep in mind that, if you’re the hitter, your comfort levels are really important as well. You also have the right to withdraw consent at any time or to take a break—sometimes hitting someone can bring up strong emotions or feelings, so make sure you take care of yourself as well.
How to turn it up a notch
If you have a bit of experience with impact play and you want to try some new and different things, here are some suggestions:
- Use restraints. Being restrained and hit at the same time can be intense, but some people find it really pleasurable.
- Ask your partner how many times they would like to be spanked or hit, and then ask them to count down the number as you go.
- Use a toy on your partner while spanking them!
- Use an implement like a paddle, a whip, or our crop/tassel combo! Try it on yourself first to get a sense of how it feels to be hit with it—you can use it on your own forearm or upper thigh to test it out.
