Ending a relationship can be painful, confusing, and scary.
But if there’s one silver lining, it’s that breaking up is also really common—meaning that the heartbreak you feel has been felt by billions of other people around the world. You are most definitely not alone.
As it’s such a universal and painful experience, we’ve put together this guide for anyone who’s facing a break up and seeking some advice.
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First things first - how do you actually break up with someone?
If you’re considering ending your relationship but you’re not quite sure how to have ‘the talk’, here are some tips.
- Try to do it in person, if possible. Even though the relationship has reached its end, it’s still important to be considerate to your partner and try to create a sense of closure for you both. Having a break-up conversation in-person allows you to explain your reasoning, answer any of your partner’s questions, and be open about how you feel. There are some situations in which a text or email is ideal and even necessary—we’ll get to that in a bit.
- Be as kind as you can. Towards the end of a relationship you might feel all sorts of things towards your partner like frustration, confusion, and even resentment. You don’t need to deny these feelings, but you should try to respect your partner enough to be kind to them, and to choose which feelings you voice to them and why. If you’re at the end of a relationship, it may not be a good use of your time or energy to rehash every fight and argument you’ve had over the time you’ve been together.
- Explain why you want to break up—but don’t go over-the-top. “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I feel it’s best if we end our relationship. I think our plans for the future are too different for us to be together anymore,” is fine—it gives your partner vital context for your decision. Whilst it can feel tempting, it’s not useful to use the conversation as an opportunity to nitpick, though. “I want to break up because you never do the dishes and your dirty socks are always on the bathroom floor, and I hate the way you shut the door so loudly when you leave for work, and…” is probably going too far.
- Have some alone time. Immediately post-convo, find a way for yourself and your (ex!) partner to be alone. You might be feeling a ton of different emotions, and it may be better to process and feel those emotions by yourself or with a loved one than around your ex. If you and your ex live together, take yourself for a walk or spend the afternoon at a friend’s place so you both have time to feel your feelings in private.
Of course, it’s worth mentioning that these tips should only be followed if you’re in a relationship that is mutually respectful.
If you feel that your partner might react with violence or threats if you try to break up with them, or if you worry that you might be unsafe with them afterwards, you need to prioritise your personal safety. This might mean breaking up with them over text or email, having a trusted friend or family member with you when you speak to them, moving out of shared accommodation while they’re at work, or even ghosting them completely.
We highly recommend getting in touch with 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) if you are worried about your safety in a relationship or during a break-up.
