Have you ever thought to yourself, “I just wish I had the words to tell my partner…”.
Whether it’s trying something new, saying no to something you’ve done before, or simply telling your partner that you’re not crazy about the way they’re touching you right now, it can be hard to find the right words!
Fortunately, we’ve got ten simple scripts you can use for those moments when you want to say how you feel, but words are escaping you.
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The situation: you want to try something new in bed.
You can say:
- “Have you ever thought about trying [X]? It looks kind of fun.”
- “How would you feel about giving [X] a go?”
- “I was watching some porn/reading some erotica the other night about [X].”
- “I had this dream last night…we were doing [X]. It was actually really exciting.”
- “I’ve never told you this, but I’m kind of into [X]. Would you want to try it with me?”
- “Sometimes I get really aroused thinking of us doing [X] together.”
- “Does the idea of [X] appeal to you? It does to me…”
- “Would you be open to trying [X] together?”
- “One of my biggest fantasies is probably [X]. Does it interest you at all?”
- “I just find [X] so sexy/exciting/arousing! I’d love to try it with you.”
Don’t…
- Guilt your partner—this is coercive and puts unfair pressure on them.
- Beg or harass your partner to try something. Ask them once, and then give them space to think about it and come back to you with any questions they might have.
- Tell your partner that if they loved you, they’d do it. They shouldn’t feel pressured to do something they may not want to do, just to prove their love or care for you.
- Talk about how many other people are doing it. Just because something might be common or popular doesn’t mean everyone will like it.
The situation: your partner does something that you don’t like.
You can say:
- “I love doing [X] with you, but can you hold me here instead?”
- “Let me show you my favourite way of being touched instead of that…”
- “This is how I do it when I’m alone and thinking of you…”
- “It doesn’t feel right when you do that—could you do it this way?”
- “Ouch! That hurt. Slow down a little, please.”
- “Give me your hand and I’ll show you exactly how I like it…”
- “Nope, not there. I’d love it if you touched me here, though.”
- “This feels a bit overwhelming, can we slow down for a second please?”
- “It actually turns me on a lot more if you do it like this…”
- “Let’s give this a go instead—it feels much better for me.”
Don’t…
- Be afraid to speak up! A good partner wouldn’t want you to do something that you don’t enjoy.
The situation: you’ve tried something new, and you’ve realised it isn’t for you.
You can say:
- “I’m glad I had a go at trying [X], but I have to be honest: it isn’t for me.”
- “I don’t think I liked [X] as much as I thought I would.”
- “[X] really isn’t my vibe, but I am happy we tried it together.”
- “I know that you really like [X], but I didn’t enjoy it.”
- “I didn’t like [X], but I can understand the appeal of it.”
- “[X] isn’t my cup of tea, I’d prefer to do something else next time.”
- “[X] felt uncomfortable for me, I don’t want to do it again.”
- “Can we brainstorm some ways you can explore [X], even if I’m not involved?”
- “Let’s find something else to do instead of [X], it isn’t my favourite.”
- “I don’t want to do [X] again, but there’s something similar we could try…”
Don’t…
- Shame your partner for liking something you don’t. We all have different desires.
- Offer to do something you don’t enjoy in exchange for a favour. This isn’t an act of kindness to you or your partner.
- Hold it against your partner if they like something that you don’t.
