Everyone approaches porn differently.
For some people it’s a total turn-on, and for others it’s an absolute no-go. For a lot of us, it’s something we might enjoy once in a while—it’s not an everyday kinda thing, but when the mood strikes, we can enjoy some screentime with a hot porn performer.
Those of us who do enjoy porn, though, should be aware that it’s often performance sex: it’s designed for entertainment and doesn’t always represent the reality of what sex is really like.
With that in mind, we decided to explore some of the ways in which the sex we have in the real world differs to that of the sex we see in porn.
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Basically:
- Porn is created to entertain and arouse
- It doesn’t always depict the reality of sex and intimacy
In porn… not everyone asks for consent.
In real life… consent is vital.
We’ve seen a lot of porn in which the performers don’t seem to speak a lot to each other—not to check in on their partner and see how they’re doing, and certainly not to ask consent. This is a real shame, because although we know that some porn studios do film performers asking for, and giving, consent prior to a scene, when we miss out on seeing consent included in sex we’re missing out on a fundamental part of what it is to be intimate with another human. Consent isn’t an optional part of sex—it’s absolutely vital. Without establishing consent, sex or intimacy of any kind can not go ahead. Porn can be super influential, so we’d love to see more performers and studios include discussions of consent in the media they produce.
In porn… the sex positions can require contortionist skills
In real life… sometimes the simpler, the better!
Porn can show performers lifting each other up, twisting each other around, and turning each other seemingly inside-out, all for the sake of a hot sex position. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, and we’re all for creativity during sex, we do think it’s important to remind you that porn is often designed to show things that look good, rather than things that feel good. When a porn performer locks their ankles behind their head or lifts one leg up during doggy style, it’s not necessarily because it feels good for the performers but because it shows off parts of them that the audience wants to see. By all means, try out some new positions in the bedroom—but remember there’s nothing wrong with good ol’ missionary.
In porn… sex is pleasurable from the moment it begins.
In real life… it can take a bit of a warm-up!
We’re probably all familiar with this set-up: the penetrating partner, who is often a man, inserts his penis into the person being penetrated, who is often a woman, and she begins moaning immediately. Within seconds, they’re both in the ecstatic throes of orgasm, and minutes later they’re coming again—imagine if that happened in real life! In much the same way as sex positions in porn are shown because they can be erotic to see, pleasure is too. It can be hot to suspend your disbelief and see someone moaning and having an orgasm, even if they’re only acting. In reality, people of all genders can need foreplay before penetration starts feeling really good, and even when penetration feels great it doesn’t always lead to orgasm. Don’t let porn trick you into thinking that sex isn’t pleasurable if it doesn’t immediately lead to orgasm.
In porn… diversity is often lacking.
In real life… sexy bodies come in all shapes, sizes, and genders.
There are some great porn studios out there who film content with really diverse performers, but unfortunately diversity is still the exception to the norm in porn today. Often, porn features only performers who are considered ‘conventionally attractive’: slender or muscular young people who are always perfectly-groomed. If performers of other nationalities are shown they’re often exoticised or compared to offensive racial tropes; and performers who are older, have larger bodies, or are gender-variant are often given token or stereotypical roles to play. As we’ve discussed above, porn can often influence the opinions and beliefs of the people who watch it, and when these stereotypes and tropes are repeated enough they can begin to feel true in the minds of some people. We know that sexiness and attraction are about what’s inside, not what’s on the outside, and we hope to soon see this attitude reflected in porn and erotica as well.
Some further reading…
Want to read more about the differences between porn and real life sex, including perspectives from people who work in the industry? Here are some good places to start…
- ‘Asian porn performers are sick of being fetishized in racist roles’, by EJ Dickson
- ‘There’s not just one type of porn’: Erika Lust’s alternative vision’ by Mary Katharine Tramontana
- ‘Ask a porn star: real sex vs. porn sex’ by Wood Rocket on YouTube
- ‘This is what it’s actually like to work as a female porn star’ by Richard James
