There’s a common assumption that if you want to use sex toys during sex, then the sex you’re having must not be that good. We’re here to dispel that myth once and for all!
In fact, a recent study in the academic journal Psychology & Sexuality found that women who used a vibrator during solo and partnered sex reported greater sexual satisfaction than women who didn’t.
Another study conducted by the University of Guelph surveyed men on their experiences using a sex toy during partnered sex and found that overall, the men felt it was a great addition to their sex life.
They reported that it increased feelings of intimacy, added excitement, gave them increased feelings of pleasure, and increased their partner’s pleasure. Sounds like good news to us.
We reckon that using toys during sex can help you reach some truly mind-blowing orgasms. Not only can they add increased internal and external stimulation, but they just plain feel good.
So if you’ve never considered grabbing your sex toy during sex, or if you’ve always wanted to but can’t quite work out how to bring it up with your partner, we’re about to tell you everything you need to know.
Using a vibrator solo vs. with a partner
Using a vibrator for masturbation can be seriously hot. Toys can access new and exciting erogenous zones, increase pleasure and stimulation, and sometimes even help you reach orgasm faster.
When you use a sex toy during sex, you get to enjoy all of that plus the pleasure you’re already experiencing with your partner.
Adding a vibrator can help you experience different types of stimulation, and it can help you reach climax if you’re one of many people who won't always come from penetration alone.
This is one of the biggest reasons we’re fans of using a vibrator during sex: because so many people can’t come just from sex.
One study found that only 18% of women climax from penetration alone, and that the other women surveyed either needed or preferred clitoral stimulation.
Using a clit vibrator during sex can mean you have a good chance of taking back control and getting the orgasms you deserve!
Our own Big Sex Survey also found that less than half of women surveyed climax ‘always or nearly always’ during sex. The survey found that although men do orgasm more often than women, men aren’t climaxing every time they have sex either—so this isn't just an issue that affects one gender, the orgasm gap has the potential to affect everyone's sex life.
While we know that sex is about more than just orgasms, we think that this orgasm inequality can begin to be repaired by normalising vibrator use during sex.
What are the best toys to use during sex?
Keen to get your vibe on? Here are our top picks for the best vibrators to use during sex.
Bullet vibrators
These vibes might be small, but their size makes them super simple to use with a partner.
A bullet vibe can be applied to almost any external erogenous zone: think nipples, clitoris, perineum, or any other body part that can benefit from some extra stimulation.
Some bullet vibrators have a simple attachment that holds them to the finger—these are called a 'finger vibrator'—which makes them even easier to use during sex because they won't slip out of your grip.
Other bullets can be used with a remote control, which can also be handy if you want to use one on your partner without reaching down to adjust its speed or settings.
Because of their size, bullet vibes are easy to hold against the body during sex as well as foreplay and oral—while your partner’s going down on you, either of you can easily incorporate a small bullet vibe or a finger vibrator into play.
Palm vibrators may also be a good idea for this! Keep in mind that you should never insert a bullet (or any sex toy) into the anus unless it has a flared base, ring-pull, cord, or easy method of removal.
Unlike the vagina, the anus has no ‘end’ so things can easily get lost up there.
Head over here for our full guide to using a bullet vibrator.
Wand vibrators
A wand vibrator offers broad and strong vibes that emanate from its bulbous head, which is perfect if you really want to tap into some explosive pleasure.
Although they’re less discreet than a bullet vibe because of their size, wand vibrators can be seriously powerful and really stimulating. You’re really only limited by your imagination when it comes to wand vibes.
They can be held on the clit during sex, pressed between two vulvas during scissoring for clitoral stimulation, or used for some external prostate stimulation during partnered sex or foreplay.
Wands can also be used on the penis and testicles, although we recommend turning the speed down low at first if you're using a vibrator on the super-sensitive head of the penis.
Both wand and bullet vibrators can be used on all genitals, so they’re a great idea for all bodies. We also always recommend using a water-based lube with a vibrator, even if it's only used externally.
Clitoral vibrators
As we know, a huge amount of vulva-owners require more than just penetration to climax—this is where clitoral vibrators come in.
A clitoral vibrator like our Quinn actually sits over the clit and uses a combination of vibrations and pulses of air for clitoral stimulation which provides the feeling of, basically, getting really amazing oral sex.
Clitoral vibrators can be used during vaginal sex as well as foreplay, oral, and anal as well. If you’re looking for a clitoral vibrator to use during penetrative sex, we recommend getting one that can sit flush against the body so you don’t have to worry about getting accidentally poked by the handle during missionary.
Vibrating cock rings
Perfect for penetration! A vibrating cock ring sits around the base of a penis and provides stimulation at the point of penetration.
It’s great for both anal and vaginal sex, and feels good for the wearer and their partner—in fact, it could also be used for oral sex if you want to stimulate the testicles and penis with vibrations while receiving a blowjob.
A vibrating cock ring can also be used to add vibrating sensations to your favourite dildo, which is perfect if one partner wants to try penetrating the other while adding some powerful sensation.
Be aware that if you experience any pain, numbness, or tingling around the genitals while using a cock ring, it should be removed immediately as it might be too tight.
We also recommend using water-based lube when putting on a cock ring, to prevent any accidental tugging of the skin.
What are the best positions to use a vibrator in during sex?
There are no real rules when it comes to the best positions to incorporate sex toys in, but here are some of our faves.
Mutual masturbation and foreplay
So this isn’t technically penetrative sex, but it is one of the easiest and best ways to experiment with using a vibrator with someone else.
Lying together, you can take turns stimulating each other with your hands or mouth before introducing the toy.
Focus on finding the pleasure points on each other's body, like the nipples, stomach, or inner thighs and legs; and start slow before gradually increasing your vibrator's speed as you get more turned on together.
You could even watch each other orgasm if you desire. If you find the vibrator is particularly strong, you can always begin by using it over the top of clothes or underwear—this will lessen the intensity a bit while still allowing you to receive stimulation.
Face sitting
This isn’t penetrative sex but we think you can get some seriously amazing orgasms by sitting on your partner’s face and using a vibrator at the same time.
With one partner lying down, the other sits on their face so they can perform oral sex on them (just make sure your partner has enough room to breathe!).
From this position, it’s easy to take a more active role and use toys like a wand vibrator, bullet, or clitoral vibe on your body—or reach over and use your partner's favourite vibe on them, offering an interesting twist on the 69 position.
Face sitting is often viewed as a 'woman on top' position but we don't think this position needs to be limited to any one gender. It's for everyone.
Missionary
Missionary is a classic, and for good reason! The receiving partner is lying on their back, and the person doing the penetrating is on top of them.
This position makes it really easy for either person to take control and hold a vibrator against the clitoris or penis of the person on the bottom—and it’s also possible for either person to reach around and use a vibrator on the perineum, clitoris, vagina, or anus of the penetrating partner.
You can spice up missionary by having the receiver reach down to pull their legs up, or having the penetrating partner lean back on their knees. Both variations also make it very easy to have the penetrating partner hold a bullet or palm vibe against the genitals of the receiving partner.
Doggy style
A fabulous position with a questionable name, doggy style involves the receiving partner being on all fours while their partner penetrates them from behind.
Doggy easily allows the receiving partner to reach down and use their favourite vibrator. We think a clitoral vibe would be perfect for this, because the long handle means you don’t have to reach too far.
This position is great for anal or vaginal sex—it can also be perfect for double penetration, if you use a g-spot vibrator during anal.
Of course, the penetrating partner can wear a vibrating cock ring around their penis or strap-on, which adds extra sensation that can be enjoyable for everyone. As always, we recommend using lube during sex—especially if you're experimenting with anal.
Cowgirl
For lack of a better name, cowgirl refers to the penetrating partner lying on their back and the receiving partner sitting on top of them (‘riding them’, like a cowgirl).
This position is an excellent choice if you’re over missionary but still want the intimacy and eye contact of a face-to-face position. It also allows the receiving partner to easily reach down and stimulate themselves using a vibrator or their hands: in this position, we reckon there’s space for a wand vibrator or a clitoral vibrator.
The person lying on their back can let the other person take complete control by riding them and using a toy at the same time—the angle of this position is perfect for a g-spot orgasm, in fact! (Of course, you could also have the penetrating partner hold the toy as well!)
If the receiving partner has a penis, you could also incorporate a cock ring as well.
How to introduce a vibrator in coupled sex
It’s natural and totally normal to feel a bit of hesitation or uncertainty about trying something new in the bedroom. Vibrators are no exception to this!
Some people can feel a bit threatened by the thought of using a vibrator during sex, wondering if maybe it means they’re not very good in bed or they’re not pleasuring their partner enough.
We think it’s super important to have a calm and supportive conversation with your partner prior to just whipping out a vibe—sit them down, explain what you want and why, and allow them to ask any questions they might have.
We recommend choosing a quiet moment when you both have enough time to talk, and starting off the conversation in an open and positive way.
“I was wondering how you’d feel about us trying a vibrator during sex next time,” is a nice way to begin.
If you’re feeling more shy about it, you could say that you read an article about using a vibrator during sex and got curious about it, and if you’re really lost for words, just send them this article!
We want to make it really clear that you should never pressure your partner into doing anything they don’t want to do, and that includes using a vibrator during sex.
Even if you think it would be super fun and your partner would love it, never force anyone into doing something they’re not totally comfortable with doing.
Consent is always of absolute importance—if your partner simply isn’t comfortable using a vibrator during sex, it will need to remain a solo pursuit.
If your partner is keen, ask them how they’d feel about using a vibrator during sex, whether it interests them, and if they’d like to help you choose a vibrator that works for both of you.
(We think choosing a toy together makes it feel like a more collaborative effort than grabbing your favourite vibe out of the cupboard, but if your partner is game then that could work too!) You could also suggest using a toy that works for your partner's body, or buying a toy that works for you both.
There’s no reason they should miss out on all the fun, right?
