We talk a lot about how to do specific things in the bedroom, like spanking, dirty talk, and anal, but we don’t always discuss how those things will feel for the first time.
That’s because these things can feel really different to different people. We all experience things differently, and that includes sex. What might feel great to one person could be unenjoyable to another, and what might feel awkward to someone could be a real confidence-booster for someone else!
BDSM is something that’s practised in many ways, and can be experienced a multitude of ways as well. We can’t tell you exactly how it’ll feel to spank your partner, be tied up, or use a flogger for the first time…but we can clue you in on some common things to expect.
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You might need towels, lube, and even some lollies
Just like other types of sex and intimacy, BDSM can get messy! If you’re trying it for the first time we recommend having some towels on hand, some lube (just in case things progress to penetration, or if you want to experiment with some new sensations), and some lollies. And no, we don’t just mean for post-sex snacks! Some people who practise BDSM experience sub- and dom-drop afterwards, which is essentially a feeling of tiredness or sadness that can occur after an exhilarating BDSM sesh. It’s nothing to be concerned about but it can be a bit unpleasant, and one of the suggested tricks to counter it is...lollies! A quick sugar rush can counter that sudden tiredness.
You might feel a bit awkward
The thought of being spanked, spanking someone, tying someone up, or being tied up yourself can be really sexy—but when you do it for the first time, you might feel a bit awkward! And that’s totally fine. It’s natural to feel awkward or uncomfortable when you step out of your comfort zone for the first time, and BDSM is often a big step outside of the comfort zone. Check in regularly with how both you and your partner are feeling, and don’t be afraid to acknowledge feelings of discomfort as well as excitement. If you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, you can stop—but if you’re feeling awkwardness mixed with enjoyment, embrace it!
You might not like it as much as you thought you would
Don’t get us wrong: we think there’s a lot to enjoy about BDSM. However, everyone’s tastes are different and there are plenty of people out there who just don’t enjoy BDSM. And that’s totally fine! While exploring BDSM, you might realise, “Actually, this sounded hot—but I don’t enjoy doing it”. It’s great to have those realisations about your likes and dislikes, and great to learn something new about yourself. If you find that there’s an element of BDSM that you don’t like as much as you thought you would, you can think about other ways to approach it: for example, you might not like being spanked, but you might enjoy spanking someone, reading erotica about spanking, or watching spanking porn.
You might want to ‘switch roles’
BDSM often, but not always, involves people taking on the role of ‘submissive’ or ‘dominant’. These roles have very little to do with someone’s personality in the ‘real world’: someone can be quite reserved normally but enjoy being dominant, or very outgoing but love to be a submissive! Some people who explore BDSM for the first time have an idea in mind of the ‘role’ that they’d like to play, but it’s actually quite common to realise that you actually prefer the other role, or that you like to ‘switch’! When you try BDSM for the first time, keep an open mind—and remember, if you’re not quite feeling it as a dom, you might prefer to be a sub (or vice-versa!).
Curious about exploring for yourself? Our Kink Kit is the perfect place to start, with elevated essentials and pleasure education from experts included.
